Would you like to find the love of your life, but you don't want to settle for just anyone? Do people tell you that you are too choosy when it comes to meeting and dating a potential romance?
One of my clients got divorced several years ago. As the breakup crisis settled down and she moved into her new life, she remarked, “Thank heavens, I never have to go camping again!”
Whatever the dynamics were in her former marriage, for some reason, she felt it was her duty to participate in something she hated. Consequently, as she searches to find the love of her life, she looks to see if a potential date has absolutely everything in common with her.
Two things have happened as a result of her rigid approach: she found a few men on the internet who met all of her criteria, but when she saw them face to face, she didn’t like them; and, she can’t find anyone else to date. She is convinced that there isn't anyone out there for her.
I told her I knew it was hard work to find the love of your life, but that there was someone trying to find her, as she was trying to find him. I reassured her that just because you haven’t found him yet doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist.
She continued, “Yeah, but I can’t find anyone who likes to do everything that I do.”
I told my client that she would increase the likelihood of meeting someone if she could keep an open mind and an open heart. You need to consider people who may not be the type you have always imagined when looking for the love of your life.
If you are finding a short supply of people to date, consider the following:
Think carefully before you put labels on what you want people to be.
Is the color of someone’s hair, how much they weigh, or how tall they are a non-negotiable requirement, a need, or a want? The same could be said for their age, how much money they earn, or their years of formal education. Do they have to live in your city, or can they be within a 500-mile radius, or can they be from anywhere?
Shared interests are important, but are all of the ones that you have in mind absolute musts?
Often, just several shared interests are more than enough to give you a focus around which to relate. There is no rule written that says you must do EVERYTHING together. Let go of that self-imposed limiting thought and new doors will open for you.
Keep the net wide open when you are telling friends you’d like to meet someone.
Do not thwart the possibilities of who they can bring to you with specific criteria unless it is a totally necessary requirement. Tell your friends you would like to meet someone wonderful, and leave it at that. There is no doubt that chemistry is vital, but you and your friends can’t know if that is going to be there until you meet the person. Relationships that last have the qualities that endure, such as kindness, intelligence, honesty, patience, and vibrancy.
Accept the fact that after the age of 35, most people come with a history of relationships and other responsibilities.
You may have to stretch yourself in order to fit or accept this reality. However, if you can keep your heart open, you may find these challenges to be your new blessings and ultimately find the love of your life.
My father used to say, “There’s a lid for every pot.” There is someone out there for you. They may not look exactly the way you thought they would, but you don’t have to go camping with them either if you don’t want to. They are waiting nevertheless.