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Ok, so i know you get a million emails about this but I’m having issues with my boyfriend. He has stopped respecting me, he is rude and crude and does things that are inappropriate. He ditches me and makes me feel bad about it. All my friends tell me to ditch him, but I love him. What should I do? He just doesn’t treat me how I deserve, and I feel like I deserve to be treated how he used to treat me… P.S. It’s been 9 months and we were seeing each other for 6 months before that. Thanks for your help!
Here’s the short version of this response: RUN. This guy is treating you like this (incidentally, ‘this’ is an anagram for another word that could easily fit in this sentence) for one very simple reason: because he can. Your boyfriend has learned that he doesn’t have to be nice, thoughtful, or respectful of you because when he is mean, thoughtless, and rude, you stay. Why do you stay?—I have no idea, but you need to explore yourself and figure it out, lest you ditch this guy for the exact same type with a different name and perhaps a different watch.
In other words, you WILL repeat this pattern unless you figure out what is attracting you to connections built on pillars of pain and drama. I know it can be so difficult to leave people we feel attached to, but honestly, it’s time to be an adult and assert some real standards upon yourself and your relationships. Take the time to consider what you want from a person, and then give yourself as much of those things as you can (Kaneisha’s forthcoming book will help you more with this idea of self-love, so get it!).
There’s not much else to say here, another person can only do so much, the work to be happy and fulfilled is really done within ourselves.